


DC-SB

by Skadisdottir



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Dom! John Watson, Dom/sub, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Light Bondage, Military, PTSD John, PTSD OFC, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Secret Identity, Smut, Spanking, Sub!ofc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-14 10:09:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9176158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skadisdottir/pseuds/Skadisdottir
Summary: An already complicated relationship gets a bit more complicated when Sherlock reveals something that should have stayed secret. Now John must deal with this new information about his new girlfriend.





	1. Pilot, or Officer?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first time writing anything like this. I tried before but gave up. This one has been nagging me for days so here we go. Please please please comment and let me know what you think!

Snow was falling at quite a pace as Delaney stood by the entrance to her building, playing with her breath as she did, trying to make rings with the vapor escaping her. It was New Year’s Eve, and as much as she would love to sit alone in her house for this night, her boyfriend (a new acquisition) insisted on her joining him at his flat for the new year. They had been out on a few dates with each other, official ones anyway, most times they just spent time with each other as much as possible, but always at her flat. Her job was boring and simple, administrative work for the clinic down the street. Nothing fancy, a file or two here and a stamp or three there. Most of the time she spent watching Netflix at her desk, it was very glamourous if you were going to ask her. 

They had met (Officially) when she had been caught watching a show instead of addressing the stack of paperwork beside her. A new season had just dropped, what else was she supposed to do? Wait until she got home? No way. She had just been catching herself up in the next episode when she heard someone clear their throat behind her. 

“Miss Cassidy, what do you think you’re doing?” The voice had sounded from behind her, and it was much too calm for her liking. She spun in her chair. 

“Dr. Watson! I... I didn’t hear you come in.” She stammered as she stood, closing her laptop quickly, and turning to face him. 

“Clearly.” He responded, watching her carefully. She returned the favour. If Delaney was being honest, she had been utterly terrified of Dr.Watson when she first met him. The Sherlock Holmes crazy was in full effect at this time, and she was both starstruck and annoyed at the same time. The man makes disgusting amounts of money from his investigations, yet here he is working at a clinic. 

But as time went on, it was easy to see why he did it. He loved his job, he loved his patients and he was kind to everyone. Rough around the edges? Of course, he was an Army Doctor- which she totally didn’t read in his file she happened to stumble upon. And which wasn’t currently sitting on her desk on the bottom of the papers that she had managed to finish before her notifications went off warning her of the new season bringing her to this moment. 

“I came to get those papers I gave to you this morning. Are they finished?” He asked moving forward and standing in front of her in a relaxed parade rest. He must not even realize he is doing it. She mused to herself as she shook her head, turning and grabbing the finished papers. 

“Uhh, yes, these ones are. I got a little.... Distracted..” She trailed off as she handed them to him and met his dissatisfied look. 

“I can see that.” He took the papers from her hands, clasping them behind his back as he took a step forward, leaning forward slightly as his voice lowered. “You would do well to get your work finished before you started to fuck around, yea?” Delaney’s face dropped and she looked to the floor as her face heated up. She nodded as he finished and jumped as a hand came into view, snapping to get her attention. “Don’t look away from me when I am speaking. And give me a verbal response.” He ordered quietly. 

“Yes Dr.Watson. I’m sorry, sir, it won’t happen again.” She looked up at him, her face red with shame. 

“Good, Have a good night Miss Cassidy, enjoy the rest of your show.” 

Even now, nearly three months later (Only two of dating), it was still a shameful memory, and Delaney felt her face heating up just at the memory. She was caught in her head until the same hand that had brought her out of it before came into view.

“Alright, Delaney?” John said with a small smile when her eyes came up to meet his. 

“Yea, I’m fine John, just thinking is all.” She returned his warm smile and his eyes softened until he looked at her shaking form. 

“I thought I told you to wait inside, Delaney.” He said warningly. 

“And I was, but I saw the snow, and you know how much I love snow...” She trailed off when she saw his face harden. “I... I’m sorry sir.” She said quietly, bowing her head as he sighed. 

“It’s alright, pet. I just don’t want you to catch a chill.” He put his arm around her, instantly warming her cold body with his as he lead her toward the waiting taxi. “We can sort it out when we get you home tonight, for now, let’s just have fun.” He said as they slid into the taxi. 

Delaney kept her eyes on the window beside her, watching the parks and streets go by, some filled with children and others with lights hanging from the trees. It wasn’t late, about 21:30, there was still time for the festivities to start. As she sat there, she felt an arm snake around her waist and pull her toward John. She looked up at him as he pressed a small kiss to the top of her head. “Something is bothering you.” He stated more than asked as she settled into his side. 

“No, I’m alright, just chilled.” That was a lie, and she could tell by the warning grip on her side that John knew it too and that he was just giving her a chance to rescind her statement before he got angry. Well, not angry, but cross. 

“I’m nervous about meeting your friends.” John didn’t respond right away, but his grip released slightly and his thumb was tracing slight circles on the fabric of her black dress. 

“Explain.” He demanded softly. Ever the officer. She thought to herself before she sighed. 

“Sherlock will instantly know everything about me, and you have police for friends as well, you know I am afraid of police.” She offered, her voice getting smaller. 

“You’re afraid of people in authority.” He supplemented, which was correct,well, more correct. Anyone who could possibly have any authority over her that was widely accepted unnerved her- anyone save for John. But that was a different case entirely. 

“Sure, I don’t know, I am just nervous that he will bring up something not so great about me.” Delaney felt herself wanting to escape from his arms but they caged her in again and she resigned her struggling and leaned against him. 

“He won’t.” John said easily. 

“You can’t know that.” She retorted. 

“Delaney.” Just the one word and Delaney shut up easily. She knew what that meant. Keep testing me, and you will have a very sore bottom tomorrow. She had work to do tomorrow, she was not very keen on sitting tenderly. 

“Yes, John.” She relented as the taxi came to a slow and then eventual stop in front of 221B Baker Street.

John got out first after paying the cabbie, and then helped Delaney out of the car and up to the door. There was a warm glow coming from the room above and Delaney smiled softly at the smell of cookies and the sound of laughter. John took her coat from her, hanging it on the hook beside her, revealing her knee-length black dress. A black lace pattern crawled up the back which was a tan-light skin coloured fabric that kept her warm but didn’t take away from the lace. Her short black hair had been styled slightly, but the snow and cold had made it fall flat, but in time the natural curl would bring it back to a healthy bounce. John took off his overcoat leaving him in a smart dark-gray suit, a blue pocket square and matching tie complemented his rounded face. She watched him and when he turned back to her she blushed and looked away. 

“What is it pet?” He asked with a knowing smirk. 

“Nothing, you just look very nice tonight.” She replied with a grin that was more confident than she felt. He was stunning, she was just....

Her thought was cut off when his hand lightly gripped her chin, making her look at him. “No, none of that. I could see it in your eyes what you were thinking. Stop it right now.” He said with a slight clip to his voice. Delaney’s eyes widened as he spoke until she bit her lip in shame. 

“I’m sorry, Sir.” She kept eye contact until he smiled and kissed her gently, then moved to kiss her forehead and dropped his hand. 

“Good girl.” She swelled at his praise and smiled when his hand landed on the small of her back, leading her up the stairs to the party above. 

 

“Ohh John! Look at how lovely you look! And who is this gorgeous girl on your arm?” An older woman jumped up from the couch with a surprising youth that made Delaney beam, even more so at the compliment. 

“This is my girlfriend Delaney Cassidy, Delaney, this is my landlady Mrs.Hudson.” Mrs. Hudson waved him off as she came in for a hug. 

“Oh, I hope I am more than just your landlady Dr.Watson.” She laughed, as did John before she pulled away and shook Delaney’s hand. Delaney felt the need to be smaller and reached out for John’s hand. He grabbed it instantly and squeezed it reassuringly. 

“Did I hear you have a girlfriend, John?” A man, in his early 50s to late 40s said as he came around a corner from the kitchen. John smiled and shook his hand. 

“Good to see you Greg. Delaney, this is Detective Inspector Lestrade, but you can just call him Greg.” Delaney and Lestrade shook hands with a quick “hello” passed between them.

“Oh Good, John, you’re here.” A voice that was instantly recognizable sounded from the doorway causing Delaney to turn around quickly, her hand still in John’s. Sherlock looked at her strangely for a moment his eyes narrowing. 

“Sherlock, this is Delaney Cassidy....” He trailed off when he saw no reaction from the man before him. “... My girlfriend.” 

Sherlock looked at her carefully, stepping forward, earning an equal step back from Delaney. His head tilted and everyone in the room collectively held their breath. 

“Sherlock. Don’t.” Lestrade spoke at this point, sensing the growing anxiety in the room. 

Sherlock ignored him and stared Delaney down. “Pilot or Officer?” He asked easily. Delaney felt her blood run cold and stared back at Sherlock as John laughed. 

“Surprisingly Sherlock. She isn’t from the military. And even if she was, do you think she wouldn’t tell me?” John shook his head and moved to sit down, but Delaney didn’t budge. “Delaney?” He asked curiously. 

“Hair is growing in but it hasn’t been cut to look the way it does, so it hasn’t been done recently, it’s been left to grow: She hasn’t had the time or the need to get it cut recently, women with short hair keep good care of it to keep it short, but she is trying to make it grow-although frequent cutting makes it grow faster- it is hard to disguise a military haircut. Her posture indicated military training, shoulders back, feet shoulder width apart, head raised. When I entered the room, the natural response would be to jump and turn with at least a pleasant smile from a new face. She turned to me and instantly I saw her eyes glance for a weapon. Military training-John you do the same thing, how you haven’t noticed can simply be because you served for long enough that not seeing it is strange to you. Pilot, her hands look worn, but not with callouses but like there have been many gloves taken off and put on. And officer because of the hair growth, classic officer cut, also it’s not hard to climb in the American Airforce from what I hear. So which was it, Miss Cassidy,” He takes a step forward. “Pilot, or officer?”


	2. Corrections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, I know that these chapters are really short, but in reality they feel a lot longer to me than they are. I have an idea of where I want to go with this, but I don't want my mind to go crazy. ANY WAY. Please comment and kudos. It would mean the world!

The room fell deathly silent, Delaney dropped John’s hand, standing alone in the room as her past was revealed. “Wait a moment Sherlock, American. She’s not American, listen to her voice. It’s clearly a brogue.” Lestrade piped up, breaking the silence. 

 

“A Clever trick by years of training. They did the same to American Spies in the second world war.”Sherlock shoots him down with an easy fact, his eyes never leaving her. 

 

“Now I have heard quite enough, you have made enough deductions that I can’t believe, but this, this is just too much.” John snapped, glaring at his friend and reaching for Delaney. “Come here, Darling, enough of this foolishness.” He said angrily, but Delaney stood firm. 

 

“Both.” She said, dropping her accent as she looked to Sherlock, she looked around the room but skipped over John. “Second Lieutenant Sara Barnstable”. There was a gasp from the room as she spoke and then she looked to John, who was looking at her in Awe. Her face dropped and she sighed, turning away from him to address the group. “It was very nice to meet you all, I’m sorry that it had to be like this. Happy New Year.” She took one last look at John, then turned and walked down the stairs, grabbing her coat as she passed it and walked onto the street. Waving down a taxi, she opened the door before she felt a hand on her back pushing her into it then slamming the door behind them. 

 

Instinct took over and she turned, attempting the throw a punch at her attacker, but when a familiar hand grabbed her wrist and held it in a bruising grip she felt her heart stutter and stop. “I wouldn’t do that little one, you are in enough trouble already.” John spoke dangerously and lowly to her before barking out her address to the cabbie. She turned to look at him, opening her mouth to speak when a look from him made the words die in her throat. “Unless the next words out of your mouth are you begging for my mercy, or for forgiveness, you better not speak at all.” She looked at him shocked. 

“Y-Yes sir.” She stuttered out, her body beginning to shake. She had seen John angry a number of times. When a case was driving him insane, or when he was just pissed about something from lack of sleep, she had seen it, and dealt with it accordingly. Usually that required her to be on her knees in front of him, letting him find comfort in her submission. They had slept together once, and once only. Sarah was scared of sleeping with someone. College and training had taken up most of her time in her youth, and no man wanted to be with a woman who could bench his weight. None but the men that were in her unit, all of which were young boys who probably didn’t know their way around a bed let alone something she would be interested with. She had tried with a girl once, but she moved away to a different school, and she hadn’t found any other girl in her unit willing to try, so it was a limited experience on her part. She and John had talked about it many times, so she and him were comfortable just going slowly, only in the past few weeks had they really moved into the phase of comfort that allowed her to call him “sir”. She had laughed when it felt strangely like basic training (something she didn’t think she would experience, that wasn’t generally something the ROTC saw). 

Regardless, this was a different anger. This was directed at her. She had kept a huge part of herself from him, and had created this entire other character to live by. Delaney Cassidy, a character she created years ago for a movie she never sent anywhere. 

The taxi arrived at her flat much sooner than she would have liked and after a hasty payment to the cabbie, she was hauled up the stairs of the building and then up to her door. John used his keys to open the door and released her, forcing her to walk in at her own pace and have her back to him as he closed and locked the door behind him. 

His silence was deafening. She felt him turn behind her, and then she felt his gaze burning into her back. She clasped her hands in front of her and dropped her head. They hadn’t talked about what her “submissive” position was, but this was a good enough deference she thought. She heard him take in a deep breath and then blow it out quickly. 

“How long were you going to keep this from me?” He asked, his words calm, yet a danger she knew very well was lingering under the surface. 

“I...I was going to tell you...” she trailed off, her voice not wanting to cooperate. 

“Finish the sentence.” He demanded, his voice instantly sending a shiver down her back as she realized what he was doing-and how she could combat the rising anxiety. She shifted, her feet moving to shoulder width, her hands coming to lay, the back of one had in the palm of the other, pressed to the small of her back. She straightened her shoulders then lifted her head a fraction above level, then caged her eyes. Parade Rest. 

He was trying to send her back into this state, she could tell. This was a comfort for her. She could communicate this way. This wasn’t fake. This was all honest. This was her. 

“Good girl, now, finish.The.Sentence.” He punctuated his words with small steps toward then around her. She didn’t move her eyes, keeping them forward as he moved into view. Air Force and Army were different. Army: Keep your eyes Caged. Air Force: Look as much as your eyes will allow, but no more. He was Army. So she was as well. 

“I was going to tell you when I felt that my secret would be kept safe, Sir. It is imperative that my real name not be discovered.” She answered almost robotically. Each Iota of her being relaxed until she was able to stand in her position and not shake with nerves. 

“Why.” He stated, his eyes narrowing as he looked down at her slightly. 

“I’m AWOL.” The words rang clear through the room, and through John’s eyes as they widened then became hard. A.W.O.L. “ Away With Out Leave.” She was breaking every law there was, and breaking her oath. 

“Do you know how much trouble I can be in for not turning you in?” John asked, breaking his facade for a moment to run a hand over his face then to cross in front of him. 

“Yes Sir.” She responded, the shaking returning as she feared he would call her in and report her to the authorities. 

“Are you going to tell me why?” John looked at her a moment, watching her carefully. She broke the cage of her eyes, looking at him curiously. 

“Sir?” She asked, confusion written on her features. 

“Why are you AWOL.” He asked, more forcefully than was intended, making Sara jump only slightly.

“I... I can’t tell you that Sir.” She responded, recaging her eyes in shame. 

“Oh? And why is that?” 

“I need to avoid the Birdwatchers.” She spoke easily, hoping that he would catch her meaning. He did obviously, she could tell because he stiffened then turned and glanced around her apartment carefully. 

“We will talk about this.” John said pointing his finger in her face angrily, but less angry than before. 

“Yes Sir.” She relented nodding slightly. 

“But, now, we need to correct this behaviour. I can’t have you lying to me, or mistrusting me. Do you understand?” He asked, easily slipping from “Army John” to “Dom John”. She noticed that they weren’t much different and instantly her head filled with horrible fantasies of delving further into the former option. Soon a hand was gripping her chin and forcing her back to reality. “I asked you a question, pet.” He growled, his grip a little too tight. Sara gasped and gripped her hands tightly together to keep from letting them drop from their position. 

“I understand Sir, I’m sorry Sir.” She gulped out, resisting the urge to grit her teeth in pain. 

“By the wall,get on your knees and face the room.” She instantly broke from her position and moved to do as he asked, her black heels clicking loudly in the silent room. 

As she moved to her position on the wall, she heard the belt moving through the loops on John’s pants. Keeping her eyes down she watched as his shoes came into view. He stood there for a moment, almost as if waiting for her to move. 

“I will give you an option, pet. Do you think you deserve to have your arms in front of you, or behind you. Which do you think would cause you to learn faster?” He asked, clearly testing her. Without speaking, she bowed her head to the toes of his shoes, her arms coming to cross behind her, hand grabbing her elbows. 

“Good decision.” He answered gruffly as he kneeled next to her, one knee on the floor by her face, his other leg supporting him up so he was more in a crouch than a kneel. She felt the soft leather of his well worn belt slip between her arms and the dress, then the slight tug and pull of the loop coming down to hold her arms together. He looped it a few more times around her then locked it using the belt loop. The pressure wasn’t painful, but it wasn’t comfortable either. 

“It’s 22:45 now. I will come back to get you at 23:30. If you need me, you may call for me. If it gets too much, I want you to say your safeword. What is your safeword?” He asked, speaking clearly and evenly. 

“Pomegranate,Sir.” She responded, almost breathlessly. This was what she needed. She needed to be controlled and comforted in this bizarre way. She pulled on the bond to feel it, letting the bite and smell of the leather calm her. 

“Good girl.” And then he left. She closed her eyes, sitting in a state akin to the “Child’s pose”, her breath pulling in the cool scent of the room and of John’s cologne, and pushing out the heat of her anxiety and the fear she felt at his anger. As she knelt, the wood biting into her knees she felt her mind start to clear and she thought about what came next.


	3. Happy New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sudden attack mends the bond between John and Sara, but breaks down Sara's walls one by one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PTSD warning here folks. A lot of the stories that a war related will mostly be from what I have heard from my uncle (a vet) and also from stories my father has told me. I will usually put a warning above any chapters, but please let me know if I forget. This story is one I made up. I hope you like it! This is my first time writing an intimate scene like this! Let me know what you think!

As she sat there, she heard John puttering around the apartment for a while before he sat on the couch across the room from her and turned on the TV to the live coverage of the party downtown. She daren’t raise her head but she could see him just slightly if she tilted her head just enough-

“Head down Sara. I can see you trying to look up.” His voice was clear and loud in the once quiet apartment. She couldn’t tell if it was just her imagination, but it felt like his voice filled the room and enveloped her. 

“I’m sorry sir.” She spoke quietly, resting her forehead back onto the floor below her, shifting in her bonds slightly, the leather biting into her wrists. It wasn’t entirely uncomfortable, but she knew she was nearing the end of her punishment and she was almost about to burst. Everything in her wanted to tell John just why she was here, why she was AWOL but it was too dangerous. Her apartment could be bugged, anyone could be a spy, it was all too dangerous. Sherlock even MENTIONING her name out loud had caused her blood to run cold in the sense that she was immediately put at risk.  
She felt the rising terror before she felt her body start to shake. She shut her eyes tightly, fighting back against the images in her head but she couldn’t. 

_“WE ARE HIT, I REPEAT WE ARE HIT, BLACKBIRD TWO IS GOING DOWN.” Sara’s hands on the controls of the large Boeing CH-47 Chinook shaking in her hands as she turned to her passengers. “YOU NEED TO DROP NOW, WE ARE OFF TARGET BUT THE CITY BELOW US WILL GRANT YOU ENOUGH COVER TO GET TO THE DROP ZONE. YOU NEED TO DROP NOW.” Her voice was clear over the screaming of the engine, the flames lighting up the darkened cabin and blinded those in the copter from seeing the rapidly approaching and rapidly spinning earth below.  
“BARNSTABLE! WHAT ABOUT YOU? WE ARE DEEP IN AN ENEMY OCCUPIED TERRITORY. AND YOU ARE DOWN A BIRD.” A voice called from the darkness as the other four passengers begin to descend from ropes as Sara fought to keep the machine level long enough. _

_“YOU NEED TO DROP NOW.THAT IS AN ORDER FOXTROT. GO.” Sara called over the sound of gunfire from the east._

_“YOU ARE NOT MY CO”. The voice angrily called back, the form moving closer._

_“FOXTROT I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KICK YOU FROM THIS BIRD.” Sara called back as the last soldier left with a call of “FOXTROT LETS GO” as they descended. Foxtrot looked over their shoulder at their fellow soldier before surging forward and pressing their lips to Sara’s._

_“I love you, Sara.” The voice said quietly before rushing to the side and jumping from the copter._

_Now alone, Sara looked out the open door for a moment before turning her attention back to the front of her, and pulled up in time to miss a building, turning as much as she cold to aim for the body of water she couldn’t identify in the dark, her copter limping the last quarter mile before slamming down into the water._

_She pulled her knife out of her pocket and used the seat belt cutter to pull off the bindings. The bindings wouldn’t move, they were stuck. She was stuck. Her vision was rapidly growing filled with water and she was running out of time. Suddenly they were gone and she was pulled from the wreckage by strong arms pulling her up and out onto the embankment. She could hear a voice, but it was speaking english. _English? Here? What?__

___“Sara? Sara can you hear me?” _How does he know my name? Why is he speaking english? Am I dead?__ _ _

____“Sara, darling. Come on, come back to me.”_ _ _ _

____“Sara! Please!” John’s voice cut through the moment and she looked up to see him holding her tightly in his arms, the bindings gone from her wrists and he was on the floor with her. She reached up a hand and felt the tears on her cheeks and then looked to his shirt to see it wet with tears._ _ _ _

____“Oh God, oh god John. I... I am so sorry.” She felt a fresh wave of tears prick at her eyes and she shook them away, trying to extricate herself from his vice-like grip, but she was unsuccessful._ _ _ _

____“No. No don’t you dare apologize. Don’t you dare.” He spoke levelly, but there was a slight shake to his voice as he let emotion through._ _ _ _

____“I’ve ruined your shirt.” She choked around the ball in her throat and thumbed the stain sadly._ _ _ _

____“It’s a bloody shirt love.” He pulled away from her and tilted her head up for him to see her face better. “What happened?” He asked quietly, leaning his forehead to hers gently._ _ _ _

____“Nothing, I’m okay.Really John.” She spoke quietly, again trying to get away from him, wanting nothing more than to crawl into her cupboard and sit there for a while like she usually did after an attack._ _ _ _

____“Sara, I am a doctor, but more importantly I am your Dom. You do not lie to me. Do you understand?” His voice was quiet but deadly and his eyes were hard on hers as she looked down and away from him. “I know a PTSD attack when I see one. I’ve had a number of them myself.” She looked up at him surprised at this. He chuckled and tucked her head under his chin and sighed. “You think that my midnight walks are just to get air darling?” Sara felt her arms wrap around him and hold him, but she felt numb, unfeeling._ _ _ _

____After a moment, she felt herself being lifted into the air and held tightly as John carried her around the couch and into her bedroom. But instead of bringing her to the bed, like she was dreading, or even to the bathroom to clean her up, he went- to her surprise to her cupboard and pulled it open. She looked at him strangely as he placed her on the floor beside it. He motioned her toward it and she smiled weakly before crawling up into it and sliding the door shut._ _ _ _

____“I’m going to let you sit in here for a while. Its 23:15 now. Do you want me to come get you for the fireworks?” There was a moment of silence and John, understanding that she was done talking kneeled by the door, leaning close to it but not opening it. “One knock for yes, two for no. Alright?” He waited a moment and listened closely, after a moment there was a tiny knock on the door. He smiled and nodded. “Alright, I’ll be back in a little bit. Do you want some tea? Something to eat?” There were two quick knocks and John sighed in defeat before standing again. He walked to the door and stopped, turning back to the cupboard where his girlfriend was currently curled in on herself in a pile of blankets letting the darkness surround her._ _ _ _

____“I love you Sara.” He listened for a moment and nearly laughed when he heard a loud resounding knock from the cupboard door._ _ _ _

____To pass the time, John cleaned up slightly around the apartment. Sara kept a clean home, but today she was busy as he could tell by the plates left in the sink and the clothes still needing to be laundered by the door. As Midnight drew closer, he returned to the cupboard and gently knocked on it. “Still want to come out, love?” The knock was instead replaced by the door sliding open to a very ashamed Sara. “What’s the face for, darling? Don’t tell me you are embarrassed?” He said warmly as she began to climb out of her space._ _ _ _

____“John, I-” John stopped her with a hand and a turn of his head._ _ _ _

____“Sara, if the next words out of your mouth are anything like an apology for what just happened, I will make your bottom so sore you won't even think about sleeping for a week. Am I clear?” He asked, his eyes snapping back to her._ _ _ _

____“Yes sir.” She resigned herself to allowing her planned apology die in her throat as he helped her up. John lead her back into the living room and situated her onto the couch then left her side, coming back a few moments later with a tea. She was about to protest but a look from him made her silent. She cuddled into his side when he sat and watched as the last of the party subsided and all eyes turned to the Eye as the screen beside it counted down from 10._ _ _ _

____The couple on the couch remained quiet as the last of the time ran out and the hush over the crowd calmed them as Big Ben chimed. They watched in quiet awe as it did, and then John turned to her and tilted her head toward him for a chaste kiss on the forehead. “Happy New Year Sara.” He said quietly. She smiled and tilted her head up to kiss him fully._ _ _ _

____“Happy New Year John. Thank you.” She said when she pulled away. He smiled and looked at her carefully. She bit her lip and looked away, a blush rising on her cheeks.  
“What is it?” He asked with a slight laugh. She giggled and shook her head._ _ _ _

____“Nothing, Just thinking about how that’s my first real New Year's Eve kiss.” she said with a small smile. John smiled and held her tightly to his side. They watched the festivities until the end of the fireworks before John turned off the TV and stood, taking Sara with him._ _ _ _

____She followed him without a word as he lead her into the bathroom adjoined to her room. He sat her down on the toilet and then busied himself starting a bath for her. As the water ran, he knelt before her and took her hands into his as he looked up to her. “Do you want to talk about what triggered you? Or would you rather just leave it for now and talk about it later?” Her eyes went wide as she looked at him and shook her head wildly._ _ _ _

____“Do you think you will ever be able to talk to me about it?” He asked again, not offended but asking out of love. She nodded and sighed sadly. “Was it about what happened earlier?” He asked carefully, leaning in to catch her eyes as she looked away from him. Again she nodded and he returned it with a curt nod and then turned to shut off the water._ _ _ _

____“Up.” He commanded lightly as he stood. She obeyed quickly and stood, her eyes still on the ground. “Turn around.” again she obeyed as he pulled the zipper of her dress down her back, his left hand holding onto the top to keep it from slipping off. When it was off, he pulled it down and slipped it off her body. She carefully stepped out of it, the numbness returning to her limbs as he undressed her. Next she felt his hands on her bra clasp and soon it joined her dress on the floor._ _ _ _

____She was left standing before him naked. John had seen her, but not in full light, and not like this. Scars from the crash littered her back, one prominent scar ran from the middle of her back to the left rib where a falling propeller had smacked into her as she tried to swim up and away from the wreck. Another by her right hip where she had been shot, narrowly missing her liver. She felt John’s hand trail along them, clearly knowing what they were from. He knelt behind her, his thumbs hooking into both her panties and her stockings, the one on her right hip stopping as the scar was revealed. She could feel him looking up at her and she turned to look at him slightly, nervous as to what he would say. But to her surprise, instead of turning away in pity or disgust, John kept her eyes as he leaned forward and kissed the mark on her side._ _ _ _

____Sara’s eyes filled with tears as she looked at him, but he looked away from her and pulled off the rest of her clothes before standing and helping her into the tub of warm water. She hissed at the feeling of the warm water surrounding her, then relaxed into it and closed her eyes- that was until she heard John remove his coat and tie, leaving him in just his dress pants and shirt. She looked at him strangely but he just rolled up his sleeves and knelt beside the tub, grabbing a facecloth. “John what are you-”_ _ _ _

____“Just let me take care of you.” He whispered quietly, wetting the cloth and then holding out his hand for her to place hers into.”Please.” She obliged and watched him carefully as he dragged the cloth across her arm and carefully washed each part of her arm, taking care of each fold in her hand. He repeated this process with her back and then her other arm. He then worked over her chest, dragging the warm cloth over her neck and down between the valley of her breasts before cupping the swells gently and washing them carefully. He then trailed down the soft planes of her stomach and then back up again. The moment was terribly intimate, but to them it didn’t feel sexual. It felt innocent and it nearly brought Sara to tears with how gentle he was being with her._ _ _ _

____He then moved down to her legs, starting with the bottom of her legs and her feet. He massaged them gently and cleaned them carefully as so not to tickle her, before moving on to the other. He then cleaned her thighs gently. All too soon he wrung out the cloth and placed it on the shelf beside his head. “Move forward, Love, time to wash your hair.” Fully sated, she let out a noise of agreement and scooted forward enough to lay back. Sara felt his strong hands run through her hair and nearly whimpered at the feeling of him tugging at the strands as he did. He then reached over to grab her shampoo and then massaged it into her hair, nails scraping onto her scalp and rubbing over it to sooth. By the end of the conditioning she was a moaning mess in his hands. She opened her eyes to see him smirking while washing the soap out. _Smug bastard. __She thought to herself as he helped her sit up.___ _ _

______Sara had shaved already that night, so when he let out the water which was growing cold, John reached for a towel to wrap her in. She stood carefully and allowed him to wrap her up in the warm towel and then his warm arms. She looked up to him and smiled gratefully._ _ _ _ _ _

______“My turn to take care of you, Sir.” She said quietly. John smiled but shook his head._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Not tonight love, but I will hold you to that. Fair?” He asked, not really expecting an answer. Nonetheless, Sara nodded anyway and he lead her into the bedroom,tucking her into bed, throwing the towel off to the side. John stripped down to just his pants, before climbing in beside her, pulling her close to his chest. She smiled happily and was asleep in moments, feeling safe in his arms._ _ _ _ _ _


	4. Blackbird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara receives a message

Waking up in John’s arms was not an unusual experience. But waking up in them how she was, with her head under his chin and her hands clutched on her chest made her feel like something had changed. Well, something had changed. One of her biggest secrets was out in the open, and she was in danger, which meant: John was in danger. Glancing over his shoulder to see the clock on the nightstand she was it was quarter past 6. Sighing, she gently pulled herself out of his arms and silently left the room after grabbing his shirt from the floor, draping the fabric over herself to cover her naked body. Moving quietly through the apartment she went into the kitchen glancing at it’s clean surface, a feeling of warmth spreading through her. She set to work, first mixing up a quick batch of cookies absentmindedly as quiet music played from the speaker on her counter. A strange mix of country and alternative flitted through her spotify, but she thought nothing of it as the cookies took shape on the pan. The batch made nearly 40 cookies, and she placed them on two pans placing one in the oven, the other on the island behind her. 

She then started on making eggs, ham steaks, and hashbrowns for both herself and John. As they cooked, she pulled out the Sangria that was left over from her Boxing Day celebration that was supposed to be for those at the clinic, but turned into just herself and John as everyone else was too busy with their own lives. Not to be deterred, they had made the night even more fun than with others as they danced the night away and watching Christmas movies. Placing the decanter on the counter she poured herself a small glass and fished out the fruit on the top with her hands and took a bit of the orange slice she had grabbed as she turned back to the pan on the stove, happily starting to sway her hips to the music playing through the speakers. 

Sara turned, eyes closed around the kitchen, but when she felt someone watching her she stopped and quickly opened her eyes. John was supported by the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest and his legs slightly crossed, a small smile on his face.“How long have you been standing there?” She gasped, placing the rind in her fingers on the countertop and wiping at the remaining juice. 

“Long enough to know that it is much too early for you to be drinking.” He scolded, moving from his place at the door to walk up and reach the glass behind her, bringing it to his lips and taking a drink.

“Well now it’s just you drinking because I haven’t had a sip yet.” She corrected with a smug smile. He returned it and brought the glass to her lips, gently tipping it. She smiled and took the offered sip and then the glass before turning back to the food she was making. “If you’re going to be a pain, you might as well be a helpful one and grab some plates.” She called over her shoulder. 

When she didn’t hear the sound of the plates moving, she turned to see John with a ball of cookie dough in his mouth and another one halfway there. “JOHN WATSON. You put that dough down this instant.” She said pointing her spatula at him a half smile on her face. He narrowed his eyes and then popped the morsel into his mouth before making his escape into the living room. She followed closely behind him, trying not to laugh as he made his way behind her couch, putting it between them. She smirked, knowing that he would want her to run AROUND said couch, she charged over it, and into him. Catching her but losing his own balance he fell to the floor with a groan as she sat on his stomach, crossing her arms and looking down at him. “I’m surprised at you Dr. Watson, don’t you know how unhealthy it is to eat raw cookie dough?” She said with barely contained giggles at his face as he raised an eyebrow looking thoroughly done with her shenanigans. 

In an instant she was on her back with John hovering over her. “I’m surprised at you Lieutenant Barnstable, don’t you know that it’s never smart to lose focus on your opponent?” He grinned down at her and she felt her face heat up. 

“So you’re really not mad at me for not telling you?” She asked nervously, looking up at him carefully. 

“I’m furious, but I have had the night to think about it, and I understand.” He brushed a stray hair back into place on her forehead and then kissed her nose. “It’s going to take a while, but I’m going to have to get used to it.”

“You can’t call me Sara in public, and I have to use the accent.” She said seriously. 

“Of course darling, now I think that our breakfast is burning.” He said with a slight whisper. Sara’s eyes went wide and she pushed him off of her with surprising strength, quickly making her way to the kitchen to pull the smoking pan off of the burner and drop it into the sink with some water. 

“Well, shit.” She said, popping her hip and dropping her hands to her hips. “How does a Cafe sound?” She asked, turning to see John, with a handful of clothes for her in his arms. 

“Sounds lovely.” He said with a smile.  
**********************************************************************************************

After wrapping up the remaining cookies (Minus a few- a fault of both John’s and herself), and taking the ones in the oven out, Sara and John made their way to a cafe down the street from her flat, deciding to walk instead of taking a cab. They took their time, walking hand in hand and talking about anything. They had overcome something in their relationship, something that was hard for both of them, but at the same time made them so much stronger. 

The Coffee shop was warm, and the booth in the corner was at just the right distance from the fireplace to be warm and lovely. Books lined the walls and there were some on shelves throughout the room as well. John went to the counter, ordering her Latte for her as she curled up in her chair, watching the flames dance in the fireplace. Suddenly her phone buzzed and she looked down to see an email from a browser she didn’t know. Furrowing her eyebrows as she opened it, she saw that it was just an attachment. Seeing that it was a video she took out her earphones and plugged them in and pressing play. All it was, was the Beatles song “Blackbird”. She was confused for a moment until at the end of the song was rapid beeping. 

John sat down beside her motioning with a confused look on his face to the earphones. Sara looked up to him wide eyed and scrambled into her bag for a pen and pulled the napkin off of the tablerack, pressing her hand to her ear as she listened carefully. Frustrated with her lack of communication, John stood up and pulled the right earphone out and pressed it to his own ear. “It’s just as song whats-” She held up her hand a moment before the morse code played again. “That’s-” 

“I know what it is, shut up so I can hear it!” She snapped. A deadly look from him told her she would pay for that later but she didn’t care. As the last verse started she quickly scrambled to write down what she was hearing. She hadn’t used the code in such a long time that she had missed most of it, only getting a few portions of the message. On the napkin was a scrambling of numbers and letters: 36__21N, 3_134 _. 

“What the hell was that, Sa-Delaney?” John asked in a hushed voice, nerves evident in his voice. 

“A message.” She responded breathlessly, staring at the numbers before her. 

“Yes, I can see that. But what kind of message? From who?” He asked staring up at her. Sara pulled the earbuds out and stood, stuffing everything back into her bag and deleting the email, not before saving the IP address. “Delaney!” John called as she ran from the store, heading down the street to the library at a nearly dead sprint. She could hear John following but she didn’t care what he had to say at this point. 

Foxtrot was calling her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this chapter. If you can guess what the message was before the next chapter let me know! (Sorry it's so short, the next one was going to be the same chapter but I was thinking it would get too long. So this seemed like a good place to stop)


	5. Alpha, Charlie, Yankee, Foxtrot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara explains her scars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two Chapters in a night! Wow. Okay so I kind of word vomited here and then this happened. I have no idea if this will be updated as frequently as I want or as frequently as this, but hey, whatever. Please please please comment and let me know how I'm doing!

A hand snaked around her body and she felt herself nearly slipping on the ice as John spun her and moved her to the side against the wall of the building next to her her. The lack of reaction from those didn’t surprise either of them for long before John was back in Dom mode. “When I tell you to stop you stop,Sara.” His voice was low and deadly as he glared down at her. “Explain to me this instant what you are doing.” 

“I can’t! I can’t explain. You just have to trust me. I swear to you.” She spoke desperately, her eyes flitting to the door to the library which was only a block away. She desperately needed to trace the IP and then find Foxtrot. 

John’s hand was on her chin moments later turning her to face him. “That’s not good enough for me. You either need to explain this to me right now or give me a better reason.” John was glaring down at her by this point and heads were just now starting to turn. 

“Fine, but not here.” She waited for him to move away from her, and she took his hand, leading him into the library and then down a hall to the private study rooms. She closed and locked the doors, pulling the shades down as she did. Doing a quick scan of the room for any cameras, and when she found none, she pulled out the napkin and placed it on the table. 

“That message I received, it was from one of my team.” She explained. 

“Your team?”John asked, looking down at the napkin. “What team?” 

“Remember how I said I was a pilot? I was, but not for the Air Force. At least, not officially. I got my wings but never had much time in the air. I was in for maybe two years. Fresh out of college and wide eyed. I was called into my Captain’s office to a call from D.C. An old friend of mine was calling in a favour. Said that I was the only Pilot the team would have.”

“You keep saying ‘Team’, what team?” He insisted and she rolled her eyes. 

“A covert CIA team of 5 special Ops Agents. Zulu, Alpha, Charlie,Yankee, and Foxtrot. All their last names, I knew Foxtrot from school.”

“You were CIA?” He asked, mildly impressed.

“No, I was just the pilot they wanted, well, the pilot Foxtrot wanted.I wasn’t supposed to know anything about the drop, just the location, time and pick up.” 

“But you did know more.” John supplied. She nodded and pointed to the napkin. 

“These are the coordinates of our drop.” John picked up the paper and looked down at it carefully. 

“How do you know, this isn’t a full pair.” He said handing it back. She pulled out the pen and scribbled in the last numbers. He looked down at them and looked at them confused. “Where is this?” 

“Aleppo, Syria.” She looked at him seriously. 

“Jesus Sara, you were deployed to Syria?” He said as he turned from her and leaned against the wall behind him. 

“No, we weren’t deployed. There was a High Value Target that the team was sent in to extract and then return to the US. It wasn’t on the books, and it was to be denied should they be caught. It was a suicide mission if it went wrong.” She looked down and away, absently rubbing the scar on her left side as she remembered the mission. 

“And it went wrong?” John asked, pulling out the chair to sit in front of her as she did the same. 

“Very wrong.” She sighed and shook her head bringing up the memories to explain. 

_“Lieutenant Barnstable! Captain Bricker is calling for you.” Sara turned from the airman she was talking to to see who was addressing her. She saluted in response and turned back to have the Airman do the same before she jogged over to the command centre._

_“Lieutenant Barnstable, reporting as ordered Captain Bricker.” She recited, snapping a salute as she did._

_“At ease Barnstable. Got a call for you from D.C.” Sara dropped into rest and then dropped even farther and the nature of her call._

_“Ma’am?” She asked as the Captain Stood and handed her the corded phone._

_“Don’t ask questions Barnstable.” She said seriously before leaving the office and closing the door behind her. Sara stood in shock for a moment before putting the receiver to her ear carefully._

_“This is Barnstable.” She said after a moment. Her shock didn’t wear off as she heard the voice on the other side of the phone._

_“Well Good Morning “Chairforce”, How the_ Hell _are you.” Dieniella Friedrick’s voice coming over the phone was more of a shock than Sara was prepared for, but it was a welcome surprise she smiled into her hand and laughed._

 _“Pretty good Grunt, how the Hell are_ you _?” She returned the snark to her friend and smiled._

 _“That’s_ Agent _Grunt to you.” She replied just as sarcastically._

 _“I thought you had to_ Pass _the mental evaluation to get the badge and gun?” Sara retorted_

_“Ha Ha Very funny. You know you aren’t an easy Airman to find. I had to call HQ just to find your placement.”_

_“That generally happens when you are good at what you do.” Sara said with a slight tiff in her voice. There had been a long hard road to get to where she was, and the voice on the other side of the line hadn’t made it any easier._

_“Yea. I’m proud of you Kid.” There was a brief silence before she spoke again. “That’s actually why I’m calling you. I need you to fly out to D.C. Tonight.”_

_“Tonight? I just got here! The paperwork will be-” Sara began but was cut off almost instantly._

_“Paperwork’s already done. I’m faxing it over now.” The machine beside her sprang to life, printing out the mountain of paperwork for her transfer clearance, with the last page coming up with the watermark of the CIA and a signature from the director himself._

_“Holy shit.” Sara breathed quietly as she looked at the mark._

_“Yea, welcome to my world. There should be a Humvee outside for you. It will take you to the Army base that has your plane, well, technically it’s my plane, but you know, details. It will take you into D.C. we will brief you when you land._

_“What the hell did you sign my up for Dieniella?”_

_“One hell of an Adventure.” The line clicked and then a dial tone sounded. She stood there for a few moments before hanging up the phone and exiting the office. Her Captain stood by the door with a smug look of pride on her face. Sara handed her the paperwork and the Captain nodded out the door to the waiting Humvee._

_“I think your ride is here.” She said with a smirk and Sara saluted one last time before walk-running to the vehicle waiting for her outside._

_+++++++++_

_The trip to D.C. was made with baited breath as Sara waited anxiously to see her friend. They had been a part for years and hadn’t even had the chance to talk aside from an email almost 4 years ago, right before Dieniella’s first deployment, and even then it was just a goodbye there had been radio silence after that and she had assumed the worst. She had grieved, and moved on. Slowly, but she had moved on. The plane landed and she was still in her ABUs (Airman Battle Uniform),making her feel very out of place in the group of Army soldiers that were on the tarmac waiting for her. But her eyes landed on her friend and she was nearly in tears. Keeping it together as she walked down the stairs of the plane, she was taken aback by her friend snapping into a salute to her._

_“Never in my life did I think you were going to be saluting me.” Sara said as she quickly returned it. Dieniella looked around for a moment to make sure the rest of the group was busy before pulling her friend into a tight hug. Sara returned it just as enthusiastically and let a tear fall._

_“It’s been too long Sara. Too long.” Dieniella said quietly._

_“I thought you were dead. I heard nothing after your deployment.” She said as she pulled away._

_“I know, things got so busy afterward and things happened so fast that I just, I’m sorry. I should have tried to get in contact, but like I said. You aren’t easy to find.” Dieniella walked back to the car parked by the plane, the tinted windows almost a cliche._

_“So, CIA huh?” Sara said as they sat in the car._

_“I told you I would make it here.” Dieniella responded with a grin._

_“I never doubted you.” Sara replied sadly._

_“Yes, but I doubted you. I’m really sorry Sara, I shouldn’t have said -” Sara cut her off by holding up her hand._

_“But you did.” She held her gaze for a moment then sighed and dropped her hand. “It’s in the past now. Just, tell me what you need me for.”_

_“Its a mission to Syria. Me and my guys need you to get us in, and out safely.”_

_“Why me?”_

_“Because I trust you. I don’t trust anyone else.” Dieniella said like it was obvious._

_“The CIA couldn’t find you a better pilot?”_

_“The CIA doesn’t really know about this. This is a mission directly from my Commander.”_

_“Who’s your commander?” Dieniella just smiled and looked down to the folder on her lap, quietly humming “Hail the the Chief” as she did._

_++++++++++  
“Lieutenant Barnstable, I’d like you to meet my team. This is Alpha, Charlie, Yankee, and Zulu.” Each soldier raised their hand as their name was called and Sara nodded to them in turn. “These are the guys you need to get in and out. We are taking a civilian plane over to Turkey, landing at Incirlik Air Base. Then we will be driving to a secure location where you will pick up your bird. Can you fly a Chinook?” Dieniella asked turning to Sara. _

_“ I can fly anything.” She said confidently. It wasn’t wholly true, and Dieniella knew that, but the rest of the group didn’t need to._

_“Well great. Let’s get some rest rest and we can pick this up in the morning. Bright and early. You alright with that “Chairforce”? Wouldn’t want for you to lose your beauty sleep.” Dieniella teased slightly, earning her a dirty look from Sara._

_“I was going to bed by the time you were waking up Grunt. I was up for 20 hours at a time.”_

_There was a resounding “ooo” from the gathered soldiers. It was obvious she had gained a large amount of respect from her fellow soldiers, and watching someone come in from a whole other branch and supposedly a whole other world sass this high ranking officer was a treat for them._

_Dieniella laughed and put her arm around her friend. “We are in good hands boys. Now go get some sleep, big day tomorrow.” The men all saluted and rang out a collective “Yes Ma’am.” Before running off._

_“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you had them all scared.” Sara said with a laugh as they walked to the officer’s quarters._

_“Good thing you don’t know any better.” She laughed. “Because I do.”_

_“If only they knew.” Sara said with a laugh, earning her a punch to the gut and a grin from her friend._

_“Shut up, you.”_

Sara stopped, feeling John’s hand close around hers. She looked up at him and he was emotionless. She only then noticed she was shaking. “You don’t have to finish this right now. Not if you don’t want to.” Sara nodded, thankful that the painful memories could be kept hidden for a little while longer. “What is our next step?” He asked carefully, pulling the napkin that had become clutched in her hands out and examining it again. The IP address was scrawled on the other side. 

“The address on the other side is where the message came from. If we can trace it, we can see where she is.”Sara said wiping at her eyes at the unshed tears burning there.  


“Okay. Let’s do that then.” He stood and held his hand out to her, opening the doors and walking out the hall to the computer rooms, comfortingly rubbing his thumb along the back of her hand.


	6. Broken Puzzle Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara breaks once again and it's up to John to put her back together, and he couldn't be more willing to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so little background. Drawing from my own experiences here when it comes to self doubt and worry, and I want to say that each and every one of you is beautiful and that you are more than perfect as you are. You don't need someone to fix you, you need someone who is going to love you. Scars and all.   
> We all have scars, and we are all beautiful. Coincidence? I think NOT.
> 
> Extra long to say sorry for being so MIA (heh). Had a lot of shit hit the fan in the last three weeks so I have had no time to write. Hopefully this makes up for it!! First time writing a smut scene so the next two chapters MAY BE SHIT.

One Week later:

There had been nothing. The IP address had been a burner, and was nearly untraceable. It wasn’t even clear where on earth the message came from. For all they knew it could have come from right behind her. It was starting to get to her that maybe this wasn’t even Foxtrot that was messaging her, and it was instead someone else entirely. John had been helpful enough, but there wasn’t much that he could do anyway so they went on with their week as if nothing had happened, even though every moment was grating on Sara like sandpaper. 

She was staring off into space for what felt like the millionth time that day as she twirled her pen around in her hand and tapped it on the table absentmindedly. She was organizing John’s schedule for the next week- as she did every Sunday- but for some reason it just wasn’t coming to her as easily as it usually did. It was at that moment that John let himself into the apartment, not even bothering to knock. Sara wouldn’t have heard him enter anyway with how lost in thought she was. When he came around and turned her head to look at him, his large hand gripping her head tightly she jumped, not expecting the contact. Her hand went to pull the wrist away from her, but when she looked up to face her attacker she sighed and pulled her earphones out. 

“John you scared me! How did you get in, I thought you didn’t-”

“Didn’t bring my keys, and you would be correct. I didn’t. But I was able to get in because the bloody DOOR was unlocked!” He roared, his grip becoming slightly tighter. “You talk about being so wary and careful of your security, but then you do something so stupid as keeping your door unlocked! Anyone could have waltzed in here and gotten to you. Not only that but you had bloody headphones in! How many times have I told you not to do that?” He looked down at her angrily and she felt the burn of shame start in her throat and make its way to her eyes. 

“I’m sorry John, I’ve just been so... so...” She felt the first tears slip from her eyes as he looked down at her and he instantly relented, dropping to his knees in front of her to hold her as she cried. He whispered comforting words to her as she sat there, limply crying into his shirt, the only thing tense about her was her hands tightly gripping his coat lapels. 

“What has you so distracted, love? Is it this whole Foxtrot message?” He asked after she had quieted down some. She nodded into his shoulder, a new wave of tears threatening to spill, but she held it in. “Talk to me, Darling. Tell me what I can do to help you.” He pulled away from her and took her chin in his hand. 

She looked at him, focusing in on his eyes, switching between them as she did. Something about this, this moment made her feel so guilty. Here he was so open and vulnerable, just for her, and she had lied to him for so long. It was a pain she could never wish on anyone what she felt. But she wanted it gone. Wanted it so gone that it never came back. With that thought she used her grip on his coat to pull him forward and crashed her lips to his in a desperate attempt to push the thoughts as far from her mind as she could. At first John returned the kiss in kind, but he read into her plans and pushed her back slightly, one hand resting on the nape of her neck. 

“Nice try, pet. But you’re going to talk, or I’ll make it so you can’t.” he warned, only half serious. 

With tears still in her eyes she shook her head. “John, please, just... help me forget. I don’t want to think about it anymore. Please.” She looked between his eyes again and pleaded silently. “Please, sir.” She spoke quietly, her voice wavering with each breath. 

John’s heart simultaneously broke and filled with love at the same moment as he nodded, pulling her in for another gentle kiss. He used the hand at the back of her head to pull her up to a standing position. She followed willingly, letting him guide her until she felt the wall beside her bedroom door push softly back at her. John’s hands moved from her body to support himself on the wall behind her, his forehead leaning against hers as they both caught their breath, her’s only slightly heavier than his due to the tears clogging her throat.

“What do you need from me. What do you need from this?” He asked quietly. She remembered vaguely that this would be their first real time sleeping together with their dynamic in full swing and she shook her head knowing he would feel it. 

“I need to be reminded I’m yours. Do whatever you need to to do that.” She said quietly, not really knowing how to voice this feeling inside her.

“Okay, I can do that.” He opened his eyes and brushed away the growing hair from her face. “Safeword?” He asked, the prompting a way to start the scene. 

“Pomegranate.” She said quietly. Her eyes opened to look back at him and time seemed to slow as he kissed her once more before pulling away and opening the door to her room. He stood away allowing her to pass into the room. 

She stood in the centre of her room, looking around it as if it was her first time seeing it. The king sized bed, old and carved with intricate designs stood in the corner, the walls creating a daybed feel. The mismatched bedside table with its equally mismatched lamp and a single rose in water sat next to her clock. To her right, the door to her bathroom stood open, the light on and the fan whirring quietly. To the left of that door the door to her closet was half closed. Her dresser and then her desk filled the other corner of her room. A long full length mirror faced her and she watched as John came into the room, closing the door behind him quietly. 

“We are going to go slow tonight.Despite this, you will still obey my orders, and you will still do as you are told. Is that understood, Sara?” He asked pulling his jacket off and moving in front of her to lay it over her desk chair. He turned back to her, pulling the cufflinks out of his shirt in order to roll up his sleeves. He watched her, waiting for an answer. 

John’s voice pulled her out of her trance as she looked up to him, her eyes starting to burn with an unknown sadness. “Yes Sir. I understand.” He nodded and sat on the side of the bed, motioning her over to him. She was used to this, and she moved in front of him and knelt between his legs. His hand carded through her hair and she sighed, closing her eyes and moving into his hand. 

“We are going to talk about this later.” John stated after a moment of just petting her hair. 

“I don’t want to talk about it. I want to forget about it.” Sara retorted, her eyes opening to look up at him defiantly. John narrowed his eyes and tilted his head at her, his hand suddenly gripping at the short strands of her hair. 

“I didn’t ask what you wanted pet. I told you what was going to happen.” Sara hissed at the feeling in her hair, the pain radiating down her spine to her core and she whimpered softly. John noticed this and noted it for later. The fist in her hair twisted and she whined again at the feeling as john used this to pull her up. Even with him sitting on the bed, John was tall enough that they were face to face as she stood. “Stand back, take off your clothes and then get back here.” He ordered quickly, releasing her hair allowing her to move. 

Sara moved back, her hands moving to the sweater she was wearing and pulled it halfway up her stomach before it dropped back down again. She looked at him warily as he watched her. He had seen her naked, for fucks sake he had given her a bloody bath. But that was just it. He was taking care of her. Cleaning her. He had seen the scars and not run away screaming, which was a win in her book, but that was different. This was something more than she was ready for, or at least more than she thought she was ready for. 

“Don’t make me take you over my knee, Sara. Do as you are told.” He said cooly, his hands resting on his knees as he waited. 

Her hands returned to the hem and she pulled it up again, pulling the sweater up and over before tossing it to the side of the room. This left her in just her jeans and white tank-top. She again played with the hem of her shirt, unsure as to if she really wanted to expose herself to him like this. “C-Can’t we just... turn off the l-lights. Please, Sir. I... I c-can’t.” She shuddered under his cool stare for a few moments before she moved from her space and moved toward her sweater, desperate to pull it back on and to hide herself from his eyes. But before she could get to it, arms circled around her body from behind and dragged her back to the bed. 

John sat on the bed, then turned her around before draping her over his legs, his left leg coming up to hold her in place as she struggled against him. “I warned you that I was going to take you over my knee if you disobeyed, and yet you still did it.” As he spoke, Sara reached behind herself, trying to push him off of her, but instead he just caught her wrists and held them behind her on the small of her back. 

She felt his hand move from the small of her back and trace over the curve of her backside. The feeling was strange in this setting and she nearly flinched away from it. John had smacked her ass in other settings, usually very playfully, but this was different, very different. The warmth of his hand left her for a moment and then it was back all at once. Sara jumped, squeaking out a breath as it landed. The blow was muffled by her jeans and underwear, but it was still a surprise nonetheless. He repeated this four more times before stopping and rubbing over the cloth. 

“Now, are we going to speak about why you disobeyed me?” John asked, leaning down to speak into her ear. She felt her breath coming in stalling gasps and she wiggled in his grip a bit, revelling silently when he tightened both his leg and his hand keeping her in place. 

“I...I didn’t want you to... see..” She started, her shame creeping up into her voice and hushing it. 

“Speak in full sentences, Pet. I can’t understand you if you don’t.” He warned, his hand heavy and hot on her rear.

“I didn’t want you to see me and my scars.” She pushed out. Hoping it was enough. 

“I’ve seen your scars before darling.” He reminded her, slightly surprised at her answer. 

“Not like this. This makes me ugly. I’m marked.” She felt tears burning in her eyes and she didn’t try to hide them. Instead she let them fall as she hung her head in shame. 

She felt him move after it was too late to stop him. His hand had made its way to the hem of her pants and they were pulled down and off faster than she could recognize what was happening. When she came to her senses she tried to look over her shoulder at John to see what he was doing, but instead she was met with the sight of his hand being raised high above him. 

“John, wha-” The hand was on her bare flesh seconds later and she nearly screamed. The sound was nothing compared to the feel of his hand hitting her skin to skin. It was higher pitched and sickeningly sharp. He continued the assault for another few strokes until she was outright crying and then he stopped, leaving his hand on the already hot and tender flesh. She tried to move away from him, but he gripped her ass tightly, making her wince more. 

“Are you quite done?” He asked harshly, his voice sounding too loud in the quiet of the room. 

Whether he meant with the movement or with the self deprecation, she didn’t know but either way, she was done. “Yes Sir, I’m sorry Sir. “ She said with a small sigh of pain. 

“That’s what I thought. I have told you many times that you are not to think such negative things about yourself. Do you remember why?” He prompted and she nodded quickly. “Why then? Why should you not speak of yourself like that?” 

“Because it’s an insult to you, Sir.” She gasped out as his hand began kneading into her tender flesh again. 

“And why is it an insult to me?” He asked, his hand moving to smooth over her body instead. 

“Because you call me beautiful, and by hating myself I am counteracting what you said, which is disrespectful. Sir.” She added breathlessly. 

“Good Girl. Now, I’m going to let you stand. And we are going to try again. Yes?” He asked, not really wanting her to answer. She did anyway, a quiet “yes sir” Leaving her as she stood, the rest on her face echoing the red on her backside. She stood in front of him again. Her hand going to rest on the hem of her tank-top again. She hesitated, looking up to him shyly. When he noticed her hesitation, he sat up straighter, his eyes cold and calculating. 

“Sara.” He said softly, but his tone left no room for any more hesitation. 

She pulled the fabric up and over her head and threw it to the side, her eyes closing tightly, not wanting to see him as she stood there in only her underwear, her arms tense and her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides, wanting desperately to cover herself. 

Sara could hear the bed creak as he stood and she felt the soft pattering of his feat on the carpet as he walked toward her. His hands first landed on her shoulders, the warm feeling of his fingers calmed her slightly and she opened her eyes and looked at him warily.

“You are beautiful, Sara Barnstable. Every inch of you is beautiful.” She felt the burn of the tears behind her eyes as she looked up at him sadly. One hand traced the scar on her back, and the other cupped her jaw in his large palm. “These scars are beautiful because they show a life that you have lived and survived.” He moved his hand from her back to her head and pat her gently. “These scars are beautiful because they show that you are stronger than anyone will ever know. And you are so beautiful, that I never want you to cover yourself again.” He cupped both sides of her jaw and kissed her softly. She responded by allowing her hands to cover his on her face. 

John walked her back, keeping them connected until her thighs hit the bed and she fell back. He stood over her for a moment, looking down at her and carefully noting each and every movement of her body below him. After getting his fill, he crawled over her, straddling her hips gently, his hands tracing over the sides of her stomach. She arched up, wanting more contact from him, her throat letting out a slight whimper as she did. His hand slipped under her, pulling at the back of her bra with ease, and pulled the lace from her form and dropped it over the side of the bed. She gasped, opening her eyes and moving to cover herself instinctively, but John’s hands caught hers and held them on her chest, his eyes meeting hers and watching her silently for a moment. 

“Do I need to tie your hands?” He asked, his hands gripping tightly onto hers and she looked at their conjoined hands and squirmed under him slightly, a heat building in her core as she felt his weight shift to hold her down tightly. He didn’t even seem like he moved, yet the feeling was unmistakable. 

Sara keened and nodded, offering her hands up to him. He shook his head and pushed them back down on her chest. “Use words.” He ordered softly. She tried, her mouth opening to speak but all that came out was another squeak of desire. John smirked, happy to see her starting to adjust to the role and starting to be surprised by her own want. 

“S-Sir, Please. Please tie my hands.” She spoke quietly, her chest heaving with the effort of putting words together. John nodded, leaning down to kiss her forehead gently, the movement feeling out of place in the context, but it was appreciated nonetheless. John moved off of her and walked over to the pile of laundry sitting in the corner of her room, pulling a pillow-case out from the pile and walking back to her. In that time, she had pushed herself up on her elbows, watching him nervously. He returned to her side and pushed her up to a sitting position then turned her away from him. John opened the case, then opened the mouth of the fabric, offering it to her like a coat. 

The grey silk slid over her arms and covered up to her shoulders with her hands in weak fists at the bottom corners of the case. John then turned her back to her original position, then laid her back, over the pillow case, her hands on either side of her. She tested the bond, feeling the pull on her arms and back she looked up to him, her eyes suddenly blown wide. 

“Alright, Darling?” He asked, his hands smoothing down her sides in a comforting motion as he looked at her. She nodded, sighing deeply.

“Yes Sir, very okay.” She breathed, her breath hitching slightly as her legs clenched at the new layer of helplessness she felt. 

“Good, now open those legs for me, like a good little girl and I can make you feel even better.” He voice dropped a timbre into a deeper range and she arched up involuntarily almost letting the sound wrap around her. She hesitantly opened them a fraction of an inch, biting her lip in nervous anxiety. 

By now, John was done with allowing her self-consciousness to get in the way of her happiness, so he used his hands to pull her legs open, inserting his body between them to keep them from closing as he knelt before her. The hands on her knees drifted down to her hips, pressing into them gently before moving back down her inner thigh. John smirked as he felt the muscles twitch under his hands. 

Turning his attention to her white lace undergarments, he allowed one hand to leave her thigh to brush a thumb on the space between her core and her leg. She bucked up a small bit, a breathy gasp leaving her as John chuckled. “Sensitive, Pet?” He asked brushing against the spot again. She whined a response, her hands straining at the fabric of the pillow case. 

“John, please!” She gasped out her chest red and heaving from the strain. John tusked and smacked the side of her leg gruffly. The echoing smack was accompanied by the yelping gasp of Sara.   
“Speak properly, Sara. Or I won’t let you speak at all.” He warned, his hand rubbing the growing mark on her side. 

“I-I’m sorry Sir! Please, please.” She trailed off and John took some pity on her, his thumb moving over the growing damp spot on the fabric covering her core and trained his other hand on her stomach, letting the heavy weight just sit there. The hand on her core pressed a bit harder and she bucked again, oversensitive already with the strain. His thumb moved up to the top of her slit, now outlined by the slick dampness leaving her. 

John’s thumb dragged slow circles over the top, adjusting slightly until he heard Sara’s breath hitch and her stomach jumped under his hand. He left his thumb there, following the path he set and watching her for a moment before speaking. “Now, because tonight is about you, I’m going to let you come whenever and however much you want. But only for tonight. After tonight, every time you come belongs to me. That means, you don’t come unless I say and you don’t touch yourself, ever. Is that understood?” He asked, the circles growing tighter and faster over her clit through her underwear. The damp spot growing as he worked over her. 

Sara nodded vigorously, her hips bucking up into his hands. A quick slap to her thigh had her arching and then correcting herself. “Yes! Yes sir, I understand. I am yours, I belong to you.” She gasped breathlessly, her entire body beginning to shake. 

“Good, now, let’s have some fun, Pet.” He said deviously, his thumb pressing into her roughly, the circles he made small and tight. Sara arched up off the bed, the first orgasm of the night quiet and weak, but promising of more to come.


	7. RE-WRITING

Hey all, so I have decided to re write this story, it will take a few weeks for me to finish, and to revamp everything. I know that I have kind of dropped off on this, but I have actually had 0 time to do anything. I have just started college and now that I am on break there should be more in the coming days. Hopefully this version will be better! I will link when it's done! Thanks so much!


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